I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
