Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
