I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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