Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
