It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
