Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
