well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
