They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
