what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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