I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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