it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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