When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
