Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
