i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
