i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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