you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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