she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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