can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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