you win again, gameday.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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