Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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