i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
