well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
