I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
