i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
