help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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