He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
