If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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