i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
