My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
