he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
