Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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