dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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