He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
