She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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