If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
