Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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