At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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