No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
