I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
