People in love make me want to vomit
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
