hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
