I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
