everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
birth control should be required to get into college
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
