When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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