He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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