Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
