Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
