We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
