so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
