You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
